I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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