I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
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