Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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