somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
