This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
did i just pee glitter
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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