she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
