my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
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