I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
