she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
