alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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