he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
