when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
