there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
