Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I haven't been this sober since birth.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
