Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Why are your pants in the freezer?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
