Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
