this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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