Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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