I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Randomize
