My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
