Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
