I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
we're so committed to being not committed
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