worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Randomize
