Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
