I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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