something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Randomize
