This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
