Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
organizing the empties. That sober.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
