I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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