You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I currently don't understand fingers.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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