saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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