I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
