How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
