I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
