There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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