People with herpes should wear stickers.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Randomize
