You're completely useless in the revolution.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
