he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
