I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
