No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
