I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
