Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
