i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
that is very illegal...i love you.
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