My hand turned me down
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
