I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Randomize
