i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
