cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Randomize
