I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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