Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I think I died a long time ago.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
