Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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