no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
