i just made my gag reflex go away.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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