apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
