1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
