So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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