He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
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