i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
