fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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