If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize