i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
