I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
