You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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