Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
