I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
