Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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