He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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