I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
