My friends, they love my intelligence
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
