So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
