When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Randomize
