I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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